william's arrival

William Jordan Carver

There is NOTHING like meeting your baby for the first time. It was one of the most special experiences I've ever had. Sharing it with Jordan was pure bliss. What an incredible adventure... delivering a baby. I want to write everything down before I forget. Time is a thief! I can't believe we are three and half weeks into this. We've been through every emotion and are constantly in awe with our tiny little babe. To say we are obsessed is a bit of an understatement.

Before I got pregnant I was soooo nervous to deliver a baby, and even into my first trimester I couldn't think about it because the thought of what my body would have to go through scared me! I looked up a million youtube videos of vaginal deliveries just to prep myself but towards the end of my pregnancy somehow the excitement of bringing a little baby into the world calmed my fears. I was looking forward to delivery and didn't feel nervous or scared to go into it at all. The week before I had William I had my last Dr. apt on the 7th. I was dilated to a 3 and 65% effaced, my Dr. scheduled an induction date for the 17th on the day before my due date! I really didn't want to be induced... I had such a desire to experience the excitement of going into labor naturally and letting my body and the baby work things out when they were ready! But we made the induction date just in case I changed my mind by the time it rolled around. I had a feeling I wouldn't need it and that I'd go into labor naturally before then anyway. In fact, I called the day! I told everyone that the baby was coming Sunday. I said it confidently all week... it worked! That and I was pretty determined to do anything to make sure he actually came. Saturday my mother in law rubbed clary sage into my pressure points, I drank raspberry tea, we got spicy Mexican food for dinner, I walked on the curb around our couldesac and while our friends were watching a movie I watched from the corner stepping up and down our stairs. It was useless to try and get comfy on the couch at that point anyway ha! Who knows if any of those are what put me into labor but all I'm saying is... I went into labor not long after that haha. PLUS that was the most action my body had seen in a while! I had been instructed to "take it easy" since I had a little pre-term labor scare at 30 weeks to keep baby in as along as we could. No more taking it easy for me!!

I was use to having braxton hicks contractions... I'd had them for half my pregnancy. So because they were happening all night was just the usual. They woke me up twice that night already making me realize I had to pee. Then I started having another one and it woke me up... I thought I had to pee again but this time right as I had the contraction my water broke! It was just a tiny bit at first so I had to pause for a split second and was thinking, "is this it it?? was that just a little pee??" But then (& sorry to get graphic) SO MUCH LIQUID came gushing out! I can't even describe how excited I was... this was definitely it!! I woke up Jordan and said "Jordan, my water just broke!" I couldn't even believe those words were coming out of my mouth! He said, "are you sure??" and pulled back the covers to check for himself haha I said "YES!" He jumped up out of bed so fast and was like "okay!! Let's do this!!" It was 4:30 AM, I remember looking at the clock because I wanted to remember exactly what time it was! I got up and used the bathroom and put on a pair of Jordan's big sweats... thinking my water already "broke" and we had seen the end of it.... wrong haha. All of a sudden another huge surge of water came... and sorry but gushing is the best word to describe it... gushing out of me haha. I just remember screaming going... "What the heck is going on!! Jordan it isn't stopping!!" I'm pretty sure we were both just laughing and not really knowing how to handle it. We grabbed a towel that I shoved between my legs while I brushed my teeth.
Jordan gave me the sweetest priesthood blessing, we grabbed our packed bags, grabbed the carseat and the base and headed out the door! Somehow it was 5:15 by that time.. I'm not sure what went on for almost an hour haha. I sat on the towel the whole way to the hospital because the water wasn't stopping any time soon.
We were sooo excited. I couldn't believe we were on our way to the hospital to have a baby!!! We sent a text to our families telling them my water broke and we were going to the hospital! My mom was texting me asking how I was and I said the water wouldn't stop coming out! She said the same thing happened when she had me, her water broke in the middle of the night and she sat on a towel the whole way to the hospital because it doesn't stop!! She had to drive from Farmington to Provo though! I'm grateful our drive was only 10 minutes.
We got checked in and I was so happy to see my favorite nurse just clocking in for her shift!
They checked me and also swabbed me to test if it really was amniotic fluid. (If my water actually broke.) Ha! And by some twisted joke.. the test came back negative haha. The nurse was like, "Well everyone's definition of 'a lot of water' is different..." I told her to go swab my sweats that were in the bathroom covered in liquid haha. We decided since I just gave a urine sample and sanitized myself it skewed the results.

Thankfully she talked me into not waiting too long to get my epidural.. I was having contractions now every 2-3 minutes and they were definitely more intense than they'd ever been.. and getting stronger. So we called in my epidural.
While we were waiting I remember Jordan opening up a Monster Energy drink and I told him not to drink it quite yet because he might get some time to sleep while we wait for me to progress.

I was a MESS getting my epidural. This was definitely the most intimidating part of delivering for me. I was hysterical. NO it didn't hurt... other than a little burning after the initial anesthesia. I just can't handle the idea of a needle going into my spine. I started crying sitting on the edge of the table before he even sanitized my back. My nurse was so nice and kept telling me I was doing so great... ha! We both knew that was a lie.. but it did feel good to hear in the moment. While he was inserting the tube he kept hitting a nerve that sent a shock through my left leg... it happened 4 times!!! I was going to lose it haha. I screamed every time and he kept having to tell me to hold still and don't pull away!! I just laid my head on Jordan's shoulder shaking until he finally was finished. I asked him... "Was that the most dramatic episode of giving someone an epidural you've ever had??" But it was done. PHEW!

Sure enough they told us to get some rest and relax. I was dilating and progressing pretty quick but we still had a few hours to go. They left us alone and Jordan got as comfy as he could on the couch and fell asleep. I however could NOT fall back asleep. I tried so hard. I couldn't stop shaking.. my whole body was shivering and my teeth were chattering. I kept telling the nurses I wasn't cold, I just couldn't stop shaking! I think it was just a side effect of the medicine.. but sure was annoying. I also started to notice that although my legs were pretty numb I could still feel my contractions, they weren't as painful and the edge was definitely taken away but each time I had one I would get super uncomfortable and hot and sweaty. After a couple hours I couldn't take it anymore so I called over to Jordan to wake him up. I told him, "I'm sorry but I just need you to come be with me." I was also a little bit FREAKING OUT at this point. Adrenaline is a real thing and I'm sure it was just pumping through me. He jumped right up and came by my bed and held my hand and talked to me. It was about 10:00 AM at this point and I was dilated to a 7! We decided it would be nice to have some more company so we invited our families to come hang out! They showed up soon after and I loved having them there. It was so fun to have them share our excitement with us! Plus it was REALLY nice to have more distractions because I was struggling a bit with my contractions. I kept saying, "HOW does anyone go naturally?!" I remember feeling guilty for being so miserable because I had been told to "enjoy every second of labor" and I was most definitely not enjoying it, I was pretty miserable haha. Each time I had a contraction I would get a major heat flash and feel so much cramping and pressure I'd grip Jordan's hand so hard! He sat there with the hospital menu and fanned me for about two hours straight... oh I love him!! I kept telling myself, "I get to meet my baby, I'm doing this for my baby."

I was feeling a LOT of pressure down there... it felt like the baby was going to fall out! I asked the nurse to check me and she said I was a 10 just waiting for the last little bit to thin out so she called the doctor! By the time our doctor got there we were ready to go! Oh my gosh I was so excited! They laid me back on the bed and instantly my back started hurting... I thought there is no way I'm going to be able to push like this haha I felt like had no leverage and I couldn't get a full breathe. Sure enough each time they told me to push and hold it for ten seconds I would let air out of my mouth after three seconds. The nurse was like "Ah, okay.. no. Don't do that! Hold your breathe!" And again... I let it out. haha Jordan was like... "Jess, are you forgetting?!?" haha and I really think I was, that and it was so so hard for me to push for some reason! I told him to remind me the whole time I was pushing, so he did he just kept saying, "Don't breathe! Keep pushing! Don't breathe!" haha and it honestly helped! Little baby was posterior which the Dr. said is why my back was hurting when I laid down. He wasn't liking the contractions too much either. After about 25 minutes of pushing and him moving down further his heart rate kept dropping each time I had a contraction. The dr. kept saying quietly, "He is not liking this." He would rub his head and it would make his heart rate go back up but he said we needed to get him out of there fast! The Dr. quietly told the assistant to go get the vacuum and forceps ready. Jordan heard that and panicked. He was like, "Jess come on, you've got to push!!" After another contraction of baby's heart rate dropping the Dr. decided we needed to do what we could to get him out so he decided to use the vacuum. He also said, "Jessica, I know how we talked about how much you didn't want an episiotomy but you know I would only do it in a situation where we needed to get your baby out faster." I did NOT want one so bad but definitely understood in this situation! (Sorry for TMI.) Jordan watched as he used the vacuum and had to tug pretty darn hard on it as I was pushing... it's so sad/crazy what these poor little babes go through to get here! His head came out and it was like I could instantly feel a release of pressure and my stomach instantly deflated a little. COOLEST feeling! Jordan was able to watch the whole thing and he did say it was pretty traumatic to watch him being pulled out by the vacuum and his little head was all suctioned into it. So sad! The first thing the Dr. said was, "oh my gosh he's chubby!!!" Ah!!! I was so excited. There is nothing to describe the feeling!!! He told me one more push and I didn't have to push as hard this time so I pushed and for the first time he actually told me to stop pushing! haha best thing I'd ever heard. Then the most surreal feeling ever I could feel my little baby wiggling out of me and my stomach felt so much relief and was instantly deflated. Obviously not all the way yet, but after being stretched and full to the brim it was a good feeling haha.
They took little William over to the changing station because they had to suction stuff out of his tummy. Poor little guy. Then they took WAY too long to wipe him off and then finally bring him to me. I originally wanted him on me right after he came out but they had to get the fluid out of his little tummy. He let out a few cries and it honestly was the best sound in the world. I literally could not believe he was my baby. He was so sweet and felt so peaceful and I loved him SO. MUCH.
Everyone kept saying they couldn't believe how big he was!! No one was expecting him to be a big baby.. and boy he was!!

8 lbs. 5 oz. 21 inches

I was instantly obsessed with his chubby cheeks and his little turned up nose. His eyes were open and he was so alert just looking around. I couldn't believe how peaceful he was laying on my chest and grabbing hold of my and Jordan's fingers. Jordan and I couldn't stop staring at him and for the past three and a half weeks... that hasn't changed.
It is so so special. So special. There aren't words to adequately describe how your heart throbs and you instantly have a whole new purpose and meaning. You would do ANYTHING for this little baby. It was so special to see how happy Jordan was, and how in love he also was with William.

We had our birth story videoed and I have never been more grateful for it!
Watching our birth video was the first time I was able to really see how happy Jordan was. Because I was a bit preoccupied during the moment haha. It captured his joy so well and his smile is so genuine and I think it is the sweetest thing!! It was probably one of my favorite parts of the whole video. It is so amazing to become a parent, but also to watch your spouse become a parent. I had waited for what felt like so long for Jordan to finally be able to carry and hold our baby, and to feel that connection that I had felt during my whole pregnancy. I was not disappointed. Jordan is the sweetest daddy and his love for little Will and our family is tangible! I really have never felt so much joy.

We are in heaven. We are exhausted and frustrated at times and also a little helpless, but heavenly bliss none the less.

I love my little family with all my heart!  

THANK YOU Haley Bateman for our video and all these photos!!

halfway bumpdate

halfway.

our precious baby boy is halfway through his stay in my belly... and i am halfway through this pregnancy. my love for our little guy already grows every single day and even though the feelings of inadequacy are strong i am soooooo excited to start this next chapter with Jord.

POSITIVE!

I was getting up and ready for work one morning and something just FELT different. I had been having cramps the past few days but I thought it was because I was about to start my period.. I had NO clue to look for cramping as an early sign of pregnancy. but because i just felt different I took the dollar store test that I always have handy and within seconds it showed POSITIVE. SO MANY EMOTIONS. Jord and I had talked about starting to "try" soon... within the next couple months and now all of a sudden no more talking about "trying" or when the best time would be or anything... IT WAS HERE! It just happened. I drove to work shaking and crying and laughing all at the same time and lets just say it was a little hard to focus that day! 

I've been told I'm strange but I actually waited 2 days to tell Jordan!! EEK!! I kept my little secret all to myself for those two days, just soaking in all the thoughts and downloading all the apps and trying to figure out how far along I could have been. Jord and I are sooo busy and I wanted to wait for the perfect moment when things were moving a little slower to tell Jordan, so I waited until Friday right before date night. 

Christmas was in a few weeks so I wrapped up my pregnancy test and told Jord that I wanted him to open up one of his presents early. 

He was SO UNSUSPECTING he didn't see this coming for miles haha. I was shaking as he was opening the present and when he saw what it was he thought I was pranking him for about a full two minutes until he realized this was the real deal. and then he hugged me and picked me up and we were both just pretty much speechless!! It is a surreal feeling finding out you are going to become parents. We told my family a couple weeks later on Christmas morning!!

FIRST TRIMESTER

Let's just say week 6 hit and I instantly started to FEEL pregnant. and by feel pregnant i mean i have never been so nauseous in my life haha. it was a daily battle to get myself out of bed and i spent many mornings puking in the toilet while texting my coworker to please bring my class inside and that i would be there as soon as i could. as for my energy... what energy!?? haha man growing a human is no joke. i have a full new respect for my gender guys. women rock. there were plenty of nights that i would be laying in bed with jordan and just start bawling... literally because i felt bad for myself. i felt bad i had stopped going to the gym and that i hadn't cleaned or cooked in weeks and i was so SICK OF FEELING SICK and then i would feel bad for feeling bad for myself because i truly was SO grateful to be pregnant and i knew there were SO many women out there who got so much more sick than i was and i felt like i was being a baby and then i'd just cry even harder. haha wow what a roller coaster. but what it came down to on those days that were soooo miserable is i honestly truly knew i wouldn't trade it for anything if it meant that i could grow this little human. i already knew i would do anything for him (**it at the time) and he was already worth it. 

but no worries there is light at the end of the tunnel... just three months later!! haha my morning (all day) sickness lasted until about week 18. I can honestly say I've been feeling MUCH better!! and it's a whole new world! I honestly didn't think I'd ever be able to cook again or come home from work and not head straight for the couch and netflix ha oops. I still have a slight feeling of nausea that just lingers and i'll get sick every now and then but i am SO grateful to not be constantly miserable anymore. 

As for weight gain the first trimester it fluctuated and actually went down. and now my dr. says i'm right on track!! 

(still hard to believe him since it's WEIRD to watch your body gain weight but hey, dr. said.) 

Cravings have been non-existent for me so far. Pretty much any food that I eat is because it's something I can TOLERATE. Nothing sounds good.. and I would say the food aversion game is much stronger than the craving game. those first 12 weeks especially i will say the only thing i could get myself to eat was pretty much carbs. in our nightly prayers jordan would say, "please bless the baby will get some nutrients from ramen noodles" haha. if anything i "craved" snow cones. NOW i'm doing much better with food and as long as I keep it simple and pretty bland, baby and I are happy campers! (PLZ hold the hot sauce & BBQ)

GENDER REVEAL.

"You see a little bum right there, and then legs on either side... do you know what that is in between them??" 

WHAT?!?! A BOY?!?! This was probably the most shocking moment of my pregnancy thus far. it's funny because i never "felt" like I was having a girl but when the doc told us he was 80% sure it was a boy i was honestly surprised. it caught me off guard. ME? Raising a BOY? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!!! Ohhh the feelings. I instantly felt soooo overwhelmed. and scared. it scared me to death to think of having a boy... jordan kept trying to reassure me and would throw in, "Jess, you technically don't know how to raise a girl either." haha so true but if i'm being completely honest a girl just seemed so less intimidating to me. we told our family that night and the waterworks came each time i said, "it's a boy" hahaha. i've grown more comfortable with the idea of having a boy and it's my love for this little GUY that is the most comforting. instantly in that moment i found out i just loved him sooooo much even though he scared me to death haha.

thank you to Cherokee Photos for all of our pics in helping us announce!!!

20 WEEK APT.

And now here we are!! 21 weeks later and halfway through this journey. My 20 week ultra sound was the best thing - and I think jordan will agree- that we have EVER done. Being able to see an actual BABY swimming around in your stomach, kicking his legs and stretching his arms is the most amazing thing in this world. it truly is a miracle. i've watched my little video clip of him about a billion times and i'm just IN UTTER AWE. 

I love him so much!!! Pregnancy has been overwhelming and exhausting and amazing. It's so fun to be able to relate with other mamas and especially MY mom!! I feel so blessed to have so much love and support from friends and family and to have so many amazing examples around me to look up to. I learn from ALL of you! Jord has been amazing and patient and loving and nothing makes my heart happier than when he kisses me goodbye in the morning and then kisses the bump goodbye too. it's so sweet and watching him become a dad is something i've been looking forward to for a long time! it's so fun to be here and we are soaking it all up. 

BRING ON THE SECOND HALF OF THIS THING!!!!!!

ROME you city of love you!!

Hi, slowly but surely getting all caught up when I have a second of down time here and there. Which is okay.. a LOT but probably shouldn't be a lot because I have a lot to do! Haha but oh well. 

So here is a sad story: I make photo books of basically everything. I love love love saving my pictures this way and feel like they get looked at the most when they are in a photo book. So of course I made a few books from our trip to Europe and ordered them off of Shutterfly. After a while I started to wonder why they hadn't shown up yet... and did some research in my email and realized I had them shipped to St. Thomas!!! NOOOOOOOOO. I'm so impatient waiting for these things anyway and this was just the worst news haha. UGH. But luckily my friend is moving home from St. Thomas in a week now and she said she'll squeeze them in her luggage for me! yay. 

CIAO ROMA!!!!

I can't even tell you how excited I was to go back to Rome!! When I went on study abroad over 3 years ago it was the best experience I've ever had. I fell IN LOVE with Italy. All I've been wanting to do since I left that place was turn around and go back! I was seriously giddy walking around the streets with Jord telling him, 

"this is where we ate lunch" 

"Oh, this was the best gelato place" 

"ahh I have a picture in this same spot"

haha basically the jist of it^ Rome is so romantic to me and I was pleasantly surprised with how much I still loved being there. Especially with Jord! Rome only holds a fraction of my love for Italy though and we definitely need to go back to make it to all of the other wonderful cities. :)

Three days is of course too short but some of our highlights included:

Renting bikes and biking around the city

Eating at "Alfredo's" where the ORIGINAL alfredo was made!!

Getting gelato at Giolotti's by the trevi fountain

ITALIAN PIZZA DUH.

Allllll the pretty romantic buildings.

The Vatican Museum

St. Peter's Basilica

The Colosseum

Listening to a man sing the most beautiful opera I've ever heard in my life outside of The Pantheon.

Tossing my coin in the Trevi fountain with my lover, because we WILL be back yet again!!!